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I am Kahi, Empress of Cheese. I rule all cheese on the planet (ok, ok, just in Dequincy, Louisiana, but I am getting there). Here you will see the headquarters of my empire - ok, it is just a utility shed but here in Dequincy one does not need much to control the masses, which in truth are not that massive. My first goal is to overthrow the most powerful person in Dequincy, the person who controls 90% of the population, the preacher of the Pentecostal Church of Dequincy. It shall not be easy to defeat this nemisis. He is strong in mind control but I believe my will shall easily overpower his. Then I shall be in control of a truly vast resource. Pentecostals are plentiful here and multiply at an alarming rate so in 20 years my army shall be equal to that of all armies in the Middle East.
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Upon collection of my people, I shall begin to arm and train them. My people shall learn proper weaponry as well as astronomy and churning. These are a people willing to give up their free thought so it shall not be difficult to prepare them. Once they have been trained in astronomy and dairy preparation they shall gather up all the farm equipment in our area and use it to construct Xenocheese, the largest wheel of Gorganzola cheese ever created. It will take much time to allow the cheese to age properly but when it is done it shall also be a rocket big enough to propel myself, my heiress, Katiana, my people, and my breeding tool, Bob to what will be our Eden.
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My promised land shall be called Omni Cheese in honor of my predecessor, who had an unfortunate accident involving cattle and a large cucumber. My minions shall begin construction of my palace, to be entirely constructed of Bleu cheese. I wish naught to disturb the wonderous scenery of my new empire. The women shall spend their days learning administration and assertiveness as well as business skills and seduction. It is with the last tool that men shall be controlled. The men shall spend their days taking out garbage, carrying in groceries, swatting large bugs, and doing anything else that would cause a lady to have to sweat. All will enjoy the flow of cheese in their daily lives.
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